That’s what the ACCEPTANCE stage of the Retire With IMPACT Model is all about: facing up to – accepting – retirement reality with honesty, discovering that acceptance isn’t resignation but the first stage of transformation.
Why acceptance matters
If you’re struggling in retirement or resisting the idea of planning for it, it’s worth asking: what are you not accepting?
- That life isn’t unfolding the way you imagined?
- That your old identity doesn’t apply here anymore?
- That your time, energy, or priorities have changed?
- That who you were isn’t who you need to be?
When we fail or struggle to accept our current reality, we open up what I call Fantasy-Reality Gaps (FRGs), a mismatch between how things are and how we think they should be. FRGs can form around who we are (identity), what we do (behaviour), and how we live (lifestyle). They’re often subtle, but over time, they drain our finite mental and physical resources. Why? Because FRGs represent unsustainable ways of living.
You can’t fix what you won’t face
Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. It means choosing to accept and work with reality, not against it.
Here’s what that looked like for one client: He believed his post-retirement identity should still be rooted in status, influence, and high performance. When his professional world disappeared, he felt lost, ashamed, and stuck. However, once he named his Fantasy-Reality Gaps and closed them by finding acceptance, he began updating his identity, finding new ways to make a contribution and connect through mentoring start-up businesses, among other commitments. The moment he stopped trying to be who he was, he started becoming who he needed to
be.
Helpful vs unhelpful FRGs
Not all Fantasy-Reality Gaps are harmful. Some are hopeful visions, clear pictures of what’s possible, grounded in reality. The unhelpful ones, those based on denial, fear, or unrealistic expectations and always accompanied by difficult emotions, keep people stuck.
Here’s how to spot the difference:
| Unhelpful FRGs | Helpful FRGs |
| “I should still be the person I was.” | “I’m becoming someone new.” |
| “I need retirement to look a certain way.” | “I can shape retirement as it unfolds.” |
| “This isn’t what I signed up for.” | “This is what’s happening. What now?” |
The question isn’t whether you have FRGs. We all do. The real question is whether they’re keeping you stuck in fantasy or guiding you toward transformation.
What does acceptance look like in practice?
At the heart of Retire With IMPACT is the idea that acceptance is never resignation but always the first stage of transformation. Ask anyone who has kick-started their retirement planning after avoiding it for too long or who has got their retirement back on track, and they will tell you that finding acceptance was the turning point.
That’s because when you stop fighting reality:
- You free up energy that’s been locked in frustration or avoidance.
- You become clear on what matters most now, not then.
- You become open to new possibilities, not just because they’re better, but because they’re real.
Think of it like this: acceptance doesn’t shrink your options, it expands them.
Why people resist acceptance
There are many reasons why people resist acceptance. Often, it’s about fear of failure, regret, or what others will think. Sometimes, it’s a habit. They’re so used to being busy, in control, or in charge that accepting feels like weakness. However, twenty years of coaching experience tell me it’s a strength, which is why ACCEPTANCE is a stage in my IMPACT Model.
Acceptance requires self-awareness. And it requires one other thing: letting go.
Letting go of what didn’t happen, what won’t happen or what you hoped would happen so you can start building what can happen.
The Acceptance Checklist
Ask yourself:
- Am I still clinging to identities, roles, or expectations that no longer fit?
- Do I secretly believe things will sort themselves out?
- Am I making decisions based on what used to work, rather than what works now?
- What would it mean to accept the reality of where I am and move forward from there?
The reward for acceptance? Transformation.
Virtually every client who has progressed through the Retire With IMPACT process has had to find acceptance. They don’t always achieve it quickly, and sometimes the process is painful, but regardless of how they reach it, the results have consistently followed.
When the moment of stuckness ends, the blaming stops, and the planning begins. And what felt like the end becomes the beginning of something new.
So, if you're in a difficult place with retirement, or avoiding the conversation altogether, maybe the issue isn’t your plan. Maybe it’s your acceptance of the reality you're trying to plan from.
Start there. The rest will follow. Trust me, I have seen it happen too many times.