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A Fantasy–Reality Gap (FRG) is the gap between a fantasy –
what you want, expect, assume, believe or imagine – and reality as it actually
is.
We create fantasies all the time. You might imagine where
you want to live, how you will spend your time, what your relationships will be
like or how you expect to feel when you retire. These fantasies can be
extremely useful because they give you something to work towards. The existence
of a gap between fantasy and reality is therefore not automatically a problem.
What becomes important is how you respond to the gap. A helpful FRG allows you to recognise your
current reality while working towards something different. An unhelpful FRG
develops when you struggle to accept important aspects of reality and keep thinking, behaving, or making decisions based on a fantasy that no longer serves you or isn't possible.
Fantasy can tell you where you want to go. Acceptance tells you where you are starting from.
You can spend years imagining retirement before you actually
experience it. During that time, you may develop expectations about what
retirement will give you: freedom, happiness, relaxation, purpose, travel, more
time with your partner, freedom from stress or simply the opportunity to do all
the things work prevented you from doing.
Your ideas about retirement may also have been influenced by
your parents, friends, and colleagues; what you have read or watched; financial
planning; previous generations; and the experiences of other retired people.
Then you retire. Some expectations may prove accurate, while
others may need adjusting. New circumstances may emerge that you never
anticipated, while things you expected to enjoy may feel very different once
you are actually living them.
This is where acceptance becomes important. Retirement
reality provides information. Acceptance allows you to use it.
Some retirement expectations are so familiar that they can begin to feel like facts, but if you organise your retirement around an expectation that proves inaccurate, an unhelpful Fantasy–Reality Gap can open. Consider whether you recognise any of these examples on the slides that follow.
It’s easy to romanticise retirement as a series of leisurely
weeks, spontaneous trips or planned extended holidays. The initial honeymoon
period can feel like a welcome and well-earned break, but living permanently in
holiday mode may, and probably will, eventually feel very different. All
honeymoons come to an end.
Without the routines, sense of purpose and social
connections that work can provide, what starts as freedom can quickly turn into
boredom or restlessness. There is something to be said for retirement being
about more than leisure time. When the daily structure and purpose of work
disappear, they can leave gaps that coffee, gardening, holidays or Netflix
don't necessarily fill.
Reality Check: Relaxation and enjoyment can be
important parts of retirement, but they don't have to carry the entire weight
of it. Personal growth, purpose, relationships, interests, contribution, and
new experiences can all play a part. Whether you want retirement to retain
elements of your working life or become something very different, the challenge
is finding the combination that works for you.
What about you? Have you expected leisure and freedom
to be enough to make retirement fulfilling? Could you have an unhelpful FRG
operating here? If so, what is the fantasy and what is the reality?
Yes / No / Not sure
How does that expectation compare with your experience so
far?
BOX FOR NOTES
So much of the retirement conversation revolves around
money: pensions, savings and investments. Financial security is crucial, of
course, but it isn't the whole picture. It can be tempting to believe that if
the numbers add up, everything else will fall into place.
Retirement, however, is more than a financial change. It is
a significant life transition that can affect your identity, purpose,
relationships, use of time and wellbeing. Having enough money to retire does
not automatically tell you how you want to live once you do.
Reality Check: Financial sufficiency does not
guarantee life satisfaction. You can be financially secure and still feel lost,
unfulfilled or uncertain about what comes next. Preparing for retirement
therefore involves looking beyond your finances and considering the personal,
professional, relational, social and lifestyle aspects of the life you want to
lead.
What about you? Have you expected being financially
prepared for retirement to mean you would also be personally and emotionally
prepared?
Yes / No / Not sure
What, if anything, have you discovered that your
financial plan couldn't prepare you for?
BOX FOR NOTES
The traditional idea of retirement as the complete end of
working life doesn't have to apply to you. An abrupt end to work can also
remove something that has been an important part of your identity and daily
life for decades.
Work can provide structure, purpose, challenge, social
connection, status and opportunities to use your knowledge and abilities.
Wanting to keep some of these things does not mean you failed to retire
properly.
Reality Check: Retirement does not have to be
all-or-nothing. Reducing your hours, consulting, occasional paid work,
volunteering, starting a business, or getting involved in projects are all
possibilities in modern retirement. Equally, you may decide that you want no
further involvement with work. The important point is that retirement gives you
an opportunity to decide what relationship, if any, you want with work now.
What about you? Have you assumed that being properly
retired means stopping work completely?
Yes / No / Not sure
What relationship with work, if any, would actually suit
the retirement you want?
BOX FOR NOTES
Retirement can easily be associated with winding down after
decades of striving, developing and achieving. But leaving work does not remove
your ability to learn, develop or challenge yourself.
Indeed, retirement may give you opportunities to explore
interests that received little attention during your working life, develop
existing abilities or discover entirely new ones. A course, hobby, creative
interest, physical challenge or something you have always wanted to understand
can become part of your retired life.
Reality Check: Personal development has no retirement
date. Retirement can be a significant period of growth, but that growth is
unlikely to happen simply because you have more time available. It requires
curiosity, intention and a willingness to continue learning and experimenting.
What about you? Have you thought of retirement as a
time to wind down rather than continue learning and developing?
Yes / No / Not sure
Is there something you would still like to learn, develop
or become better at?
BOX FOR NOTES
Work can provide ready-made sources of purpose. Things need
doing, people rely on you, problems need solving, and you have reasons to get
up at a particular time. Retirement can remove some or all of this very
quickly.
It can therefore be tempting to assume that a new purpose
will naturally emerge once you have the time and freedom to find it. If it
doesn't, you may begin to wonder why retirement feels less fulfilling than you
expected.
Reality Check: Finding purpose can require effort,
exploration and a willingness to try things without knowing in advance where
they will lead. You may retain sources of purpose from your working life,
rediscover previous ones or develop entirely new ones. The search itself can help
you discover what you want your retirement to include.
What about you? Have you expected a new sense of
purpose to emerge naturally once you retired?
Yes / No / Not sure
Where does your sense of purpose currently come from, and
is it enough for you?
BOX FOR NOTES
You may enter retirement with a clear picture of how it will
unfold and the routines you expect to establish. Planning can be enormously
helpful, but retirement doesn't exist separately from the unpredictability of
the rest of life.
Health, relationships, and family circumstances can change.
Financial circumstances can shift, and opportunities can appear or disappear.
Importantly, your priorities can change too. What you wanted at the start of
retirement may not be what you want several years later.
Reality Check: You don't need to predict everything
that retirement will bring, but you do need sufficient flexibility to respond
if reality differs from the plan. A successful Plan A may serve you for years;
another may need adjusting surprisingly quickly. Accepting that possibility
makes it easier to develop a Plan B if needed.
What about you? Have you expected your retirement to
unfold broadly according to the plan you had for it?
Yes / No / Not sure
How well do you respond if retirement doesn't go
according to that plan?S
BOX FOR NOTE
Purpose and legacy can become closely connected with a
career, particularly if your work has been important to you. Leaving work can
therefore create the impression that your opportunity to contribute, be
relevant or leave something behind is disappearing with it.
But purpose and legacy, increasingly recognised as central
to retirement, are not confined to the workplace. Retirement can give you the
chance to reconsider what contribution means to you, now that it no longer has
to be defined primarily by your occupation.
Reality Check: Mentoring, volunteering, creative
work, family, friendships, community involvement, sharing your knowledge, and
many other activities can offer opportunities to contribute. Your purpose after
retirement doesn't have to replicate your professional purpose, and what you
leave behind doesn't have to carry a job title.
What about you? Have you associated your sense of
purpose, contribution or legacy primarily with your working life?
Yes / No / Not sure
Where else in your life could you make a contribution
that feels meaningful to you?
BOX FOR NOTES
During working life, future-proofing can mean developing
skills, responding to changes in your profession, keeping up with technology or
preparing yourself for the next stage of your career. It can be tempting to
think that this requirement disappears once you retire.
But retirement has a future too. The retirement you begin
may need to serve you for decades, during which your circumstances, abilities,
relationships, interests and priorities may change.
Reality Check: Future-proofing in retirement simply
has a different focus. Your health and wellbeing, relationships, social
connections, digital skills, interests, finances and ability to respond to
changing circumstances may all require continuing attention. The aim isn't to
predict everything that lies ahead, but to stay prepared and adaptable enough to
respond to it.
What about you? Have you thought of retirement as the
point at which you can stop preparing yourself for what comes next?
Yes / No / Not sure
What part of your retirement would benefit most from some
future-proofing now?
BOX FOR NOTES
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