Stretch Zone

Your Comfort Zone contains what feels familiar, predictable and manageable. There is little sense of risk, and you can usually rely on abilities, routines and resources you already possess.

There is nothing inherently wrong with spending time here. Your Comfort Zone can provide rest, familiarity and a useful sense of security. The difficulty comes when it also becomes a place you hide from challenge.

In retirement, this might mean sticking to the same routines because trying something different feels uncomfortable, avoiding new social situations, putting off something you want to learn, or deciding an opportunity isn't for you before you have tested yourself against it.

Remaining within your Comfort Zone can therefore feel safe while also restricting what you discover you are capable of. 

The challenge is not to abandon your Comfort Zone, but to know when it is time to step beyond it.

Your Stretch Zone begins beyond what already feels easy and familiar.

Here, the challenge asks something more of you. You may need to learn, practise, tolerate uncertainty, draw on resources you haven't used in a while, or discover new ones. You may feel nervous, unsure or uncomfortable precisely because you are testing yourself beyond what you already know you can do.

The important point is that the discomfort remains manageable. You may need courage and commitment to keep going, but you can still engage with the challenge instead of feeling overwhelmed by it.

This is what makes the Stretch Zone so valuable in retirement. Each manageable challenge gives you a chance to discover you can do something you weren't sure you could before.

Your Stretch Zone is where challenge becomes an opportunity for growth and transformation.

Your Panic Zone begins when the demands of a challenge exceed what you currently feel able to manage.

Instead of stretching you, the challenge overwhelms you. Stress can increase, clear thinking can become harder, and your attention may shift from making progress to finding a way out.

This can also send you back towards your Comfort Zone. If a challenge feels too difficult, you may quickly conclude, "I can't do this," when a more accurate conclusion might be, "This is too much of a challenge for me at the moment."

That difference is important. Entering your Panic Zone doesn't necessarily mean the challenge itself is beyond you. It may tell you that the size, speed or demands of the challenge need adjusting.

The aim is therefore not to force yourself through your Panic Zone, but to find a level of challenge that brings you back into your Stretch Zone.

Finding your Stretch Zone means discovering a level of challenge that isn't too little or too much, but just right. I call this the Goldilocks Principle of Challenge.

Finding this level isn't an exact science. Like Goldilocks trying each bowl of porridge before finding the one that was just right, you may need to experiment with different levels of challenge before discovering what works for you.

·        Too little challenge and you remain within your Comfort Zone.

·        Too much challenge and you risk entering your Panic Zone.

·        The right amount of challenge stretches what you can currently do while still allowing you to engage, learn and make progress.

Your Stretch Zone will also differ according to the challenge. Something that stretches you socially may be very different from something that stretches you physically, intellectually or emotionally.

Keep asking yourself: does this challenge stretch me enough to make progress without overwhelming me?

Your Stretch Zone should feel challenging. If everything feels easy and familiar, you are probably still in your Comfort Zone. Equally, if the challenge feels overwhelming and you want to escape from it, you may have entered your Panic Zone.

Signs that you are in your Stretch Zone can include:

• Discomfort that feels manageable rather than overwhelming.
• Uncertainty about whether you can succeed, without believing that success is impossible.
• Having to concentrate, practise, learn or draw upon additional resources.
• Feeling stretched beyond what is already familiar while remaining able to continue.
• Experiencing a sense of accomplishment as you make progress.

Your Emotional Self can provide useful information here. Nervousness, uncertainty or frustration do not automatically mean that you should stop. They may be telling you that you are doing something sufficiently challenging to stretch you.

The important question is whether those emotions remain manageable enough for you to stay engaged and keep going. Stretch should challenge you without defeating you.

Martin was 67 and had retired eighteen months earlier after spending most of his career working in engineering. Retirement had gone reasonably well. He played golf twice a week, walked most days, enjoyed gardening and saw his two adult sons and their families regularly. Nothing obviously wrong with Martin's retirement. His concern was that not enough was happening in it.

“I've made retirement very comfortable,” he told me. “Possibly too comfortable.”

Before retiring, Martin had said he wanted to get involved in his local community. He had always been interested in local history and had even imagined giving talks about the area's industrial past. Eighteen months later, he had done nothing about it.

When a friend suggested joining the local history society, Martin looked at its website several times but didn't make contact. His explanation was simple: “I wouldn't know anybody.”

This was Martin's Comfort Zone. Golf, walking and gardening were activities he knew well. They weren't unimportant or activities he needed to give up, but they didn't require very much from him socially. Joining a group where he knew nobody did.

Eventually, Martin decided that the answer was to force himself to do something significantly outside his Comfort Zone. He contacted the society and volunteered to give a talk. The secretary enthusiastically accepted, but Martin immediately regretted it.

“I went from worrying about walking into a room full of strangers to imagining myself standing in front of sixty of them giving a lecture.”

He began researching obsessively, slept badly and considered inventing an illness so that he could cancel. What Martin had intended as a challenge had taken him straight into his Panic Zone, so we discussed what a Stretch Zone version of the same challenge might look like.

He didn't abandon the talk, but it became something Martin could work toward rather than something he had to do immediately. He contacted the secretary, explained that he had been overambitious and asked whether he could attend several meetings before committing to speaking. His first challenge was simply to attend one meeting and introduce himself to two people.

“I was nervous driving there,” he subsequently told me. “But not so nervous that I wanted to turn the car around.”

That was important information. Martin wasn't comfortable, but he wasn't overwhelmed either. He stayed for the whole meeting, spoke to four people rather than two and agreed to return the following month.

Over the next six months, his challenges gradually increased. He attended regularly, joined a small research project and then gave a ten-minute contribution as part of another member's presentation. Eventually, Martin gave the talk he had originally volunteered to give. The subject hadn't changed. The level of challenge had.

Martin initially stayed in his Comfort Zone, then tried to compensate by jumping straight into his Panic Zone. His progress began when he found challenges that stretched him without overwhelming him.

Reflect

• Where was Martin's Comfort Zone?
• What pushed him into his Panic Zone?
• What made attending one meeting a Stretch Zone challenge?
• How did Martin gradually increase the amount of challenge?
• What evidence suggested that his Stretch Zone was expanding?
• Is there anything in Martin's experience that you recognise in your own approach to challenge?

Where Could You Stretch Yourself? On the following slides, consider each area and whether there is an opportunity to stretch yourself beyond what currently feels familiar and comfortable without tipping yourself into panic. You are not looking for problems in every area. Your aim is to identify where greater challenge could add value to your retirement.

Consider how you see yourself in retirement and whether your sense of who you are has kept pace with the changes in your life. Stretching yourself here might involve testing assumptions about what you can do, developing new roles, or letting previously less visible parts of yourself come forward.

Helpful prompts: Are you still defining yourself primarily through your working life? Is there a role you would like to develop? Where could you test your confidence? What would you try if you believed in yourself more?

BOX FOR NOTES

Consider how well your home and family life support the retirement you want. Stretching yourself might involve changing established roles, having conversations you've avoided, or reconsidering arrangements that worked before but may not work as well in retirement.

Helpful prompts: Are responsibilities shared the way you'd like them to be? Is there a conversation you need to have? Could you do something differently at home? Are there family expectations you would like to question or renegotiate?

BOX FOR NOTES

Consider the relationships you have, those you would like to develop and those that may need to change. Retirement can change how much time you spend with people and remove some of the regular contact that work previously provided.

Helpful prompts: Is there someone you would like to know better? Could you reconnect with someone? Do you need to become more assertive in a relationship? Could you develop relationships outside your existing circle?

Consider the place you want work or professional activity to have in your retirement, if any. This might involve continuing to use existing skills and experience, developing new ones or changing your relationship with work altogether.

Helpful prompts: Could you work differently instead of stopping completely? Is there knowledge or experience you would like to continue using? Is there something new you would like to learn? Could consultancy, volunteering, mentoring, part-time work or a new business stretch you in a helpful way?

BOX FOR NOTES

Consider whether aspects of your physical or emotional wellbeing would benefit from greater challenge. The right stretch depends on your circumstances, abilities, and current health.

Helpful prompts: Could you become more physically active? Is there an aspect of your wellbeing you have been avoiding? Could you establish a healthier routine? Is there appropriate professional support you have been reluctant to seek?

BOX FOR NOTES

Consider your relationship with money and your financial circumstances. Stretching yourself financially doesn't necessarily mean spending more or taking greater financial risks; it might involve becoming better informed, having difficult conversations or questioning assumptions about what you can and cannot afford.

Helpful prompts: Do you understand your financial position sufficiently? Are financial concerns preventing you from doing things you could afford to do? Is there a financial conversation you have avoided? Would obtaining professional advice allow you to make better-informed decisions?

BOX FOR NOTES

Consider how you spend your time and whether your current lifestyle gives you enough of what you want from retirement. Stretching yourself might mean experimenting with different activities, routines, or ways to use the freedom retirement provides.

Helpful prompts: Is there something you have wanted to try but keep postponing? Have your routines become too comfortable or even unhealthy? Could you introduce more variety into your week? What would you do differently if you deliberately stepped beyond your usual retirement routine?

BOX FOR NOTES

Consider the amount, quality and variety of social contact in your life. Stretching yourself socially might involve initiating contact, entering unfamiliar social situations or becoming more active in groups and communities.

Helpful prompts: Could you join something instead of waiting to be invited? Is there a group, club or activity you have considered but not tried? Could you initiate more social contact? Where could you meet people beyond your existing social circle?

BOX FOR NOTES

Consider the ideas, experiences, interests and activities that expose you to different perspectives and ways of living. This might include the arts, education, travel, communities, traditions, or experiences outside what you already know.

Helpful prompts: What would you like to experience or understand better? Could you attend something you wouldn't normally choose? Is there somewhere unfamiliar you would like to visit? Could you learn about or participate in something outside your usual cultural interests?

BOX FOR NOTES

Consider the physical environments in which you spend your retirement and how well they support the life you want. This can include your home, neighbourhood, local area, and the wider places where you choose to spend your time.

Helpful prompts: Are you spending your time in environments that bring out the best in you? Could you make greater use of what is available locally? Is there somewhere else you would benefit from spending time? Is your current environment restricting something you would like to do?

BOX FOR NOTES

Consider how your past experiences, present circumstances and expectations for the future influence the challenges you are prepared to take on. Stretching yourself might involve drawing on past experience, doing something differently now, or preparing for a future you want rather than waiting for it to arrive.

Helpful prompts: Is something from your past discouraging you from trying again? What have previous challenges taught you about what you are capable of? Is there something you need to do now instead of postponing it? What challenge could you take on today that would benefit your future retirement?

BOX FOR NOTES

Having considered all eleven areas, choose ones where spending more time in your Stretch Zone could make a useful difference to your retirement.

Then ask yourself:

·        What does my Comfort Zone look like in each area? BOX FOR NOTES

·        What would my Stretch Zone look like? BOX FOR NOTES

·        What would take me into my Panic Zone? BOX FOR NOTES

·        What specific challenge could I take on that would stretch me without overwhelming me? BOX FOR NOTES

·        How will I know that I have found the right level of challenge? BOX FOR NOTES